a memory trapped in a coffee shop
its mist-ed rained window panes
sheltering us from the air
letting us hide
for a moment longer
in the steam cloud of secrets
pretending it wasn’t about to end
Here is a little taste of what’s going on in Chapter Eleven of my upcoming novel – and sequel in the SEARCHING FOR KATHERINE series, FINDING JENNIFER. Enjoy!
There’s nothing worse than feeling like a fraud. Telling people you’re something, an ideal, that you haven’t been in a very long time.
I am a writer.
Lies, all lies. Haven’t been one of those for months now. And months, inside the head of a strangled creative, is a lifetime when you can’t express yourself. Everything comes out harsh and dramatic and whiny. You and the keyboard aren’t talking anymore. You can’t bring yourself to open your manuscript and stare at words a past version of you typed and labored and loved.
The world is in a funk, that grey mess of a cloud; your brain turning to soup. Like an addict, your cells are dying the longer you pretend to live a normal life. That 9-5er day in day out dragging you down into the mundane abyss of the working age. Any attempt to take yourself back to your own personal Renaissance ends in a self-hating war that lasts days.
Nothing happy sticks.
Not being able to get out of bed in the morning, even though there is nothing officially wrong with your life, no one understands. That sinister melancholy clutching onto your skin like a cheap shower gel that won’t wash off. No amount of scrubbing or crying or screaming is going to get that melancholy off.
Not until you get the fuck out of your own head. GET OUT! Stop being a liar, a fraud claiming to be creative! Stop being the one that can’t see past the cloud. Where’s your curiosity? Run through the fog, arms flailing, singing along to stupid songs that make you want to dance.
You always want to write when you’re happy. And that boy is making you happy. You’re just being stubborn. So stop being a misog. Go and fucking write.
Read the rest of the 22 Blog Series here.
Originally posted on my Instagram feed. Follow me at: www.instagram.com/melissaholden94 for more posts like this!
originally posted on www.instagram.com/melissaholden94
You grew up thinking the world was a certain way. That intellect and creativity were flaws and things to be hidden. You grew up knowing how to stretch money. You grew up thinking girls were wrong.
You were wrong. The world doesn’t just exist of your past. It’s fragile, and constantly changing: but it’s beautiful.
A crazy-amazing world built for people who want to change. People who want to progress. People who have learned from their mistakes.
Because, guess what?
You’re alive in the 21st century, where Girl Power isn’t the Spice Girls. Where we have better paid jobs and where intellectual role models are aspired to almost as much as glamour models. Where girls can be just as strong as boys. And where creativity is encouraged.
Dear Me… The world grew up too. Enjoy it.