The Fraudulent Writer | Prose | 22 Blog Series

There’s nothing worse than feeling like a fraud. Telling people you’re something, an ideal, that you haven’t been in a very long time.

I am a writer.

Lies, all lies. Haven’t been one of those for months now. And months, inside the head of a strangled creative, is a lifetime when you can’t express yourself. Everything comes out harsh and dramatic and whiny. You and the keyboard aren’t talking anymore. You can’t bring yourself to open your manuscript and stare at words a past version of you typed and labored and loved.

The world is in a funk, that grey mess of a cloud; your brain turning to soup. Like an addict, your cells are dying the longer you pretend to live a normal life. That 9-5er day in day out dragging you down into the mundane abyss of the working age. Any attempt to take yourself back to your own personal Renaissance ends in a self-hating war that lasts days.

Nothing happy sticks.

Not being able to get out of bed in the morning, even though there is nothing officially wrong with your life, no one understands. That sinister melancholy clutching onto your skin like a cheap shower gel that won’t wash off. No amount of scrubbing or crying or screaming is going to get that melancholy off.

Not until you get the fuck out of your own head. GET OUT! Stop being a liar, a fraud claiming to be creative! Stop being the one that can’t see past the cloud. Where’s your curiosity? Run through the fog, arms flailing, singing along to stupid songs that make you want to dance.

You always want to write when you’re happy. And that boy is making you happy. You’re just being stubborn. So stop being a misog. Go and fucking write.

 

Read the rest of the 22 Blog Series here. 

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Personal Changes | 22 Blog Series

Obviously, we go through a lot of changes and stages in our lives; whether that be physically, mentally or emotionally. It’s a part of life. But sometimes it’s nice to throwback and see how our hair looked ten years ago, or what on earth we were doing with our eyeshadow, but we never really remember changing or deciding to change.

22 blog series personal changes

I’m no exception to that, but the difference is: I’m a divergent. (#bookreference!) I have so many elements to my personality that sometimes they explode out of me all at once, and sometimes the sneak out in the form of clothes, hair, make-up etc.

I like having a look through my old TimeHop photos (my Facebook spans nearly ten years – so there’s always something to cringe at… mostly hideous typos and kohl eye liner).

So I thought I’d share a few terrible throwbacks that show just how much I’ve changed over my tender twenty-two years.

I’m only going to share photos from my university and post-uni days as I would rather not share my acne-ridden teen years, so here goes!

Fresher Year of university and it’s 2013… I dyed my hair… a lot!

Second year of uni: 2013 – 2014 and I’ve still got pretty short hair, I’d lost a bit of weight and started to discover the vintage look… not always successfully! I’e still not learned to smile (properly) in photos.

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Late 2014: A red bob, and I’m definitely still rocking an emo fringe, but I’ve stepped up my pout game a little by this point!

20150709_103344It’s July 2015 and I’m in Berlin, Germany during my ‘I only wear t-shirts’ phase. I also wasn’t afraid on wearing shorts – despite the thigh rub that killed – and that were far too short for my chubby-and-proud legs.

Jump to August 2015 and my 21st birthday, I’ve still got the red hair, but it’s a bit brighter now – and a lot longer! I’m wearing glasses 24/7 by this point and had not yet discovered the miracle that is contact lenses – but (not that you can tell by my face), I was pretty happy with how I looked that day.

I’ve still got that tan jumpsuit, but despite losing a little weight since then…it doesn’t fit anymore. Bizarre!

Weirdly enough, these photos were only taken ten hours apart… and yet I look like a totally different weight/age/everything!

And now we’re in 2016 and I’ve finally got rid of my red hair – I truly loved it but my desperate need to travel and save money meant that going back to my natural blonde was going to be healthier, easier, and more cost-efficient! I am also growing my hair and it’s currently the longest it’s been since I was about eleven.

I would love my waist-length hair back one day, but I think that it might be slightly unruly whilst I am travelling around the world.13735534_10154275938312488_3013438026863761897_o

I think 2016 was also the year I finally learned about naked eyeshadow palettes, contouring, bronzer…and I finally mastered the winged-eyeliner-without-looking-like-Cleopatra look.

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And now, August 2016, we’re rounding up my twenty-first year with vintage glasses, highlighted cheeks, en-fleek eyeliner and bright blonde hair. Plus – I can finally paint my nails without it looking like a five-year-old went mental with crazy colours!

But the important thing is: I’m happy with who I am and who I’m on the way to becoming. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally too. And that’s worth more than a million likes on Instagram to me.

X

Don’t forget to read the rest of the 22| Blog Series! 

Happy 22 Years To ME | 22 Blog Series

22 blog series happy birthday

Today is my 22nd birthday (hurrah!) and whilst they’ve not always been happy birthdays, there is something little about each new year that makes me smile.

Like my sixth birthday and my bouncy castle (which I hated) collapsed on a girl I didn’t like.

My ninth birthday when my dearly departed step-father gave me a book of bedtime fairy tales.

My twelfth birthday had Pirates of The Caribbean and blue slushies.

My fourteenth birthday was spent in a Subway wearing prom dresses and converses.

My nineteenth contained dancing, vodka, and Chinese food.

My twenty-first led to my pub being filled with all my favourite people celebrating my birthday with me.

And now my twenty-second is me, my best friend, afternoon tea in Bills, and Finding Dory. What more could a girl ask for?

So here’s to another year of the little things; the happy moments that make getting older worth it.

Happy Birthday, Me. 🙂 

Don’t forget to keep track of the 22: Blog Series

22 Blog Posts For 22 Years | Blog Series

In two short days, I will be celebrating my twenty-second year on the planet, so I thought I’d celebrate it with a new blog series!

22 blog series

This time, it’s a blog series full of all the things that make me… me. Whether it’s my obsession with all things vintage, my love of tea, my struggles as an indie author, or my day-to-day life. I’m sharing it all with you guys!

Here is a list of the blog posts you should be expecting over the next few weeks, starting with the first post on 18th August 2016 – AKA, my birthday! and ending twenty-two days later (in theory…).

  1. Happy 22 Years To Me
  2. Personal Changes
  3. Is Being A Witer A Risky Career Move?
  4. The Fraudulent Writer | Prose
  5. Instant Culture
  6. Relationships
  7. Why Is My New Novel Is Taking So Long to Finish?
  8. Throwback to the 90s
  9. How to Add a Little Vintage to Your Life
  10. Look book: Summer Author Style
  11. How To Use Social Media To Expand Your Readership
  12. My To-Read List
  13. Me Before You Book and Movie Review
  14. Finding Dory Review
  15. A Bookish Day Out (Writerly Things to do in London)
  16. Doubts Every Writer Has
  17. Why I’ve Never Tried to go Mainstream with my Books
  18. Life After University
  19. How To Motivate Yourself To Write (or do anything)
  20. Short Story
  21. Long Poem
  22. 22 Reasons I’ve Never Given Up Writing (Quick List)

I really hope you guys like the series, and I hope it gives you a bit more of an insight into why I started this blog in the first place.

Peace!