I wrote this for a friend when he found out I was a writer but I’ve only just gotten around to posting it!
The department store staff showed up to work like it was any other day, but little did they know what would happen on that fateful morning in May. Rob, black beard and all, opened the doors to let the customers mill around and buy the over-priced kitchenware. But two hours later, those customers would be dead and Rob would be a king.
Rob, and his department store buddy, Elliot, were pretending to fluff cushions in Homeware when they heard the curdling screams of the customers. Melissa, the luggage girl, was drawing unicorns. Matthew was day-dreaming about F1: he was the first to run.
Matthew ran up the stairs two at a time and headed for Rob and Elliot, but he panicked and climbed inside a big pink suitcase for shelter. Melissa didn’t question his cries to lock him inside the suitcase and returned to her doodling. Eliot went downstairs to see what the fuss was about – he was the first to be turned. He grappled with the mysterious flesh-eating human shape until it lunged at him and tore his throat out. He waddled back upstairs missing a neck and with eyes as black as the Jasper Conran bathroom range. Rob cried out with despair when he realized what had happened to his friend, and claimed revenge on the creatures. He armed himself with a JML mop with double cleaning action -just to be sure-, and headed downstairs to fight. Melissa abandoned her suitcased-colleague and quickly fashioned a stapler gun to attack the monsters with.
But, when they arrived to First Floor, they discovered the remaining staff and all of the customers had been turned into grey-skinned zombies! Melissa burst into tears, hid behind the counter and wailed something about wanting a job in a bookshop, but Rob kept strong and battled with the beasts. (Which was pretty easy considering they moved at about five miles per hour). He swiped their heads clean off with the mighty mop, and poked holes in their maggot-filled stomachs.
Melissa noticed, from her hiding place, a band of zombies refusing to rebel, and they sat playing picnic with a polka dot tea set. She crawled closer to investigate and found they were a group of Italian tourists who had been consumed whilst buying souvenirs. They could only moan and groan as zombies do, but they were certainly more civilized than their grey counterparts.
Meanwhile, Matthew was running out of air, and the zombies were closing in. He could hear their mumbles from inside his pink prison but dared not to move. His case, cleverly hidden in a line of four other pink cases, kept him safe from the zombies. Until – the lead zombie of this particular cohered decided to lean on the case whilst he grumbled his instructions to his zombie army. Upon leaning on the case, it fell over, toppled by the weight of Matthew inside. He yelled, drawing attention to himself. He tried to think of a clever plan to escape, but was put off when he realized the zombies had figured out the TSA lock and opened the case to reveal Matthew curled in a ball. They pulled him out of the case and tore his heart out with their rotting teeth and changed him to their kind, and then he followed them dutifully downstairs to destroy Rob in his attempt to fight the department store zombies.
Rob snapped his mop in half whilst trying to decapitate a particularly stubborn zombie, so started using the shorter half as a dagger, stabbing the sharp plastic into the zombies necks. Melissa had joined the Italian zombies for a spot of pretend tea and they had found sweets jars, so had started munching on them. Rob instructed her to go and get more weapons, but when she ascended the stairs, she had her head torn off by Zombie Matthew.
Rob, alone in the fight and quickly being surrounded, did the only thing he could think of and screamed “PARLE! I evoke the rite of parle. Take me to your leader.” The solider zombies did as they were told, and lead Rob to a stock room, where Queen of the Zombies, Kat sat on a throne of bubble wrap and tea towels. In one foul swoop he decapitated the Queen and claimed the throne. The zombie minions bowed loyally to their new king, and he demanded they all fight to the death for his amusement. By lunchtime, the department store was full of rotting corpses and Rob stayed sat on his comfy throne until the police showed up and gave him a great big cheque and a medal for slaying all the zombies.
If you like zombie stories, a friend of mine has written a funny zombie series set in Folkestone, click here for her Amazon Page.